Love Within Poem
Tick
Tick
Tick
The time bomb ticks
Tick
Tick
Tick
It gets louder
Tick
Tick
Tick
It sounds closer
Tick
Tick
Tick
It fades as I forget
Just for a moment, my years of regret
My trauma of torment
Tick
Tick
Tick
It gets louder again
Triggered by a word
Unknowingly said
Tick
Tick
Tick
The sound of life
The sound of death
The sound of time
Counted in breaths
Tick
Tick
Tick
In blindness I defend
The undefendable
In awareness I pretend
I know what’s possible
Tick
Tick
Tick
Here I sit
In wretched pain
Just waiting for the time bomb
To go off again
Tick
Tick
Tick
To pause for a moment
To feel the pain
It feels like I am trapped
In endless rain
Tick
Tick
Tick
For emotions trapped
Within my heart
Cursed by addictions
I continually start
Tick
Tick
Tick
Please stop that tick
I feel so sick
Put that time bomb away
It is causing affray
Tick
Tick
Tick
My heart continues to beat
Fast then slow
As I allow for flow
Tick
Tick
Tick
I slowly release
Just one small regret
Without objection
Tick
Tick
Tick
One kind remark
Can light a spark
Of the fuse within
But this is not a bomb
It’s love not sin
Tick
Tick
Tick
Let that love release
Change that tick to a beat
Create a rhythm for walking
The path that I seek
Beat
Beat
Beat
I resist the move
But it makes me groove
Beat
Beat
Beat
It hurts to feel
It hurts to seek
Beat
Beat
Beat
I stumble
I fall
I hit
A wall
I get up
I smile
I wait
A while
Beat
Beat
Beat
I see a smile
As I look in the mirror
Almost renewed
A true survivor
Beat
Beat
Beat
I carry on triumphant
I carry on defiant
To truly be
I must be me
After I received a very distressing phone call in 2009, my life changed forever. Ever since that day, I have felt like a time bomb has been ticking and every so often, it will go off. Sometimes just a rumble, other times, a significant explosion. Sometimes I can foresee it, sometimes it strikes me unawares. I have tried to live beside the time bomb, hearing its tick every so often, but I have come to realise that it won’t stop ticking until I release the timer. No amount of distractions or alternative ideas or even louder noises can dim a constant ticking sound. However, when I walk away from the sound and have the courage to find a solution, I can hear my heart beat again. My heart has been jump started several times by the kindness of both friends and strangers. I can see the bomb now, I can feel its presence. But I choose to live with it and the ticking stops and my heart beat drowns out the noise. I hope the love in your heart can conquer any time bombs you may have ticking in your life now and I hope you have the courage to allow love to overcome. With love, Sue Ellson 🙂
Photo is of a red pelargonium flower in a garden in Canterbury, Melbourne, Victoria taken on 20 August 2021.
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