Pretending Poem

By Sue Ellson

 

I pretended to be happy
I pretended to be content
I hid behind a mask
I didn’t know what life really meant

 

I suffered and I cried
I withered and nearly died
I woke up one day to see
There was more I was meant to be

 

So I suffered and I cried
I reflected and asked why
I woke up one day to see
It was now time to be me

 

The journey had just started
A new fork in the road appeared
It takes courage every day
To live and breathe a new way

 

But I am not alone
I have great friends by my side
So I have stopped pretending
And I no longer need to wonder why

 

#sueellson #sueellsonpoem #pretending

Many years ago I was part of Don Treacher’s Cairnmiller Relationships Program and I went away on a retreat and completed a guided meditation. This experience invited me to look back at my life at the ages of 7, 17 and 27. At the time, I was 42. When I got to the age 27 reflection, I realised that I had been pretending to be happy for such a long time and I remember saying to myself, ‘but don’t worry Sue, when you are 42, you will be okay.’ Another 10+ years have passed and the pretending and the masks are almost a distant memory. On Friday, I spent the day with a lovely friend who agreed that she had also ‘pretended’ she was happy when she was younger. It takes a huge amount of courage to live your authentic life and not conform to expectations – either those you create yourself or those that are ‘imposed’ by our society. There is a process you can go through and I am so thankful that I found wonderful friends to help me on my journey. You know who you are. With thanks and love, Sue Ellson 🙂

Photo is of a lily pond in Heronswood Garden, Mornington, Victoria, Australia on 22 March 2019

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