Remorse Poem

By Sue Ellson

 

As I sit a while
And think of the past
The people I’ve lost
The times so sad

 

The hearts I’ve broken
The tears I’ve shed
The smiles I’ve forgotten
The fears I’ve fled

 

As the tears well again
For words I’ve spoken
And actions I wish
Simply never happened

 

Some silences never end
Some thoughts always repeat
Stuck on rotation
Feels like defeat

 

I did the best I could
But was it enough?
Why did those moments
Fall off the cuff?

 

Raw
Unreal
Wounded
Surreal

 

How many prayers will I speak
To repent those tragedies
Sent from a righteous peak
How could I get it so wrong
Why couldn’t I see what I had done?

 

As I remember pulling the trigger
The bullet was fired, the pain still lingers

 

How do I forgive myself
For the moral crimes I’ve committed?
How do I move on
When I think of the injured?

 

Momentarily
Ordinarily
Warily
Scarily
Slowly
Slowly
Out of the dark
Out of the gloom
Reluctant to emerge
From my doomed cocoon

 

I lurch
Modestly
Gracefully
With kindness
With care
The rogue in me
Laid so bare
It is time for me
To be more aware

 

To be more respectful
To be more careful
To think of others
To put in buffers

 

To protect
To preserve
To shield
To strengthen

 

To drop the gun
To stop the fight
To release control
To invite the right

 

Heal my scars
Heal my heart
Heal my thoughts
Heal my part

 

No intent
No desire
To cause that pain
But here today
To start again

 

Remorse
Regrets
Contrition
Absolute commitment
To amendment

 

For one
For many
Forever, humbly

 

After writing a poem on Sunday about ‘What if’ in relation to what I believed at a particular time and ‘what if’ I believed something else, today I dug a little deeper into some of those moments in my life that I have regretted. Things I said or did that in hindsight, I can see were clearly inappropriate and must have been very challenging for the person on the receiving end. I cannot personally apologise to some of those people as they have moved on and made it very clear I should not contact them again – ouch! I don’t like permanent endings. However, I would like to find a way to learn from those experiences and definitely not repeat the same mistake twice. I hope this poem reminds you that you too can move on and find a way to forgive yourself in the process. With love, Sue Ellson 🙂

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