Death Poem
In death we forget
What has passed
We have a chance
To see what’s vast
To look beyond
Our petty complaints
To live anew
Without restraints
To let bygones be bygones
To let past challenges go
To let kindness in
And return to flow
For in this transition
We reflect and mourn
Our brain rewires
Beyond our norm
We have a chance
To learn and adapt
To truly be human
We need a new map
Our companion has gone
But the journey continues
We must choose a direction
Without any excuses
In this way
We honour their passing
In truth we march
Authentically lasting
For that is the gift
Of sorrow and loss
We gather discernment
Despite the cost
We strive and seek
We do not yield
Their memory within
Our fighting shield
For if we wallow
We miss the meaning of life
Of birth and death
And overcoming strife
Forged by grief
With insights true
Time is fleeting
What will you do
Feel the pain
And look to the sky
Then ask yourself
What will you try
Be slow to start
But keep making the move
You’ll find a way forward
Into a new groove
Ask for help
Stop and talk now and then
It happens to us all
Even if we don’t know when
Beyond this moment
The sun will shine
Have faith till then
All love is divine
On Sunday 20 July 2025, my mother, Wendy Ellson, died suddenly at the age of 84. It was not unexpected as she had several health issues and had chosen not to receive medical intervention.
Since then, I have made two return trips to Adelaide to support my father and siblings with the necessary arrangements to help celebrate her life. I won’t go into all of the observations I have made, but rest assured, there are many lessons I have learnt and preparations I will need to make before my own passing.
I have been eager to write a poem to reflect on this experience, but it has taken three weeks to gather my insights and put them together.
My Mum was a big supporter of letting ‘bygones be bygones.’ This is a very practical way to move on from disappointments.
After 60 years of being the eldest daughter, my mind is taking time to adjust to not having the well-established neural pathways related to my mother. I have spent most of the last two days allowing my body to recover from the emotional roller-coaster and have booked a wellness treatment for later this week.
Mum faced many physical challenges throughout her life and I asked her recently how she managed these and she said, ‘you just get on with it.’ After a difficult time in hospital as a child, she refused to complete any form of exercise but her sheer will and determination made sure she lived life on her terms.
I have been completely overwhelmed by the numerous messages, calls, follow up calls, visits, cards, flowers and gifts I have received from people I know and this reminds me of Mum’s commitment to doing the right thing and following the courtesies of life. Thank you ALL for your generous gestures. It is a quality I truly admire.
My secondary school motto was ‘To Strive, To Seek, Not To Yield’ (it still is too). I am reminded of this every time I return to Adelaide and go past the school. On these two visits, I stayed with a friend from secondary school and I really appreciated the many thoughtful suggestions she made during my time there.
Mum did not believe in ‘God’ but she was often told she was the most ‘Christian Agnostic person they had ever met’ – so there is no mention of God or spirit here. She has asked for half of her ashes to be spread at home and the other half at sea and the photo here is of West Beach in Adelaide, near where she lived and visited frequently (there will be no chance of being sea-sick this time around).
Whilst I left Adelaide to live in Melbourne way back in 1994, I have been a regular visitor to Adelaide by bus, car and plane ever since and I am extremely grateful that I made this effort, even when it was difficult. It is when a crisis occurs that you realise all of your past efforts were worthwhile, particularly if they are aligned with your values.
Now that my mother has passed away, I will continue focusing on what I can do and reflect on the lessons I have learned from her example. Yes, there is grief and loss, for me, my father, my siblings, family, extended family and friends.
However, this is also the ‘circle of life,’ of birth, life and death. Thank you Mum for making my life possible. With love, Sue Ellson 🙂
#death #SueEllson #SueEllsonPoem #poem #poetry
Photo is of West Beach, Adelaide, South Australia on Saturday 2 August 2025.
You may also be interested in my Ode to Death Poem.
Feedback
Oh, Sue, I love this. You truly have a gift for putting your experiences and feelings into words, in a way that resonates with others in a profound way. 🩷
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