Expectations Poem

By Sue Ellson

A wistful thought
A hopeful belief
A fantasy imagined
An expectation I’d like to meet

But why does my imagined reality
Fail to complete
My heart’s longing
Seems so out of reach

Striving
Seeking
Searching
Trying
Pushing
Prodding
But never finding

Yet beauty is present
In sight and sound
But a soul denied
Is more lost than found

In the haze of hope
We are blind to love
Our mind’s control
Takes what we dream of

Vanity dictates our perception
And denies the truth
But if we change our perspective
We could be our own sleuth

We could release our vision
And awaken possibility
We could be present and wise
And respond instinctively

For an expectation is a battle
To fight for and to win
What it is that we wish to claim
But that is our sin

Yes we can dream
And hope for more
But as soon as we expect
We start keeping score

In the game of life
We must ultimately decide
When to keep playing
And when to hide

For the pain of pursuit
Will eventually take its toll
If we can accept and release
We can move closer to our goal

Not every battle is worth fighting
If you want to win the war
Take a moment for rest
And consider a pause

For in a moment of reflection
Perhaps we can see a new way
To live life more gently
And truly be every day

Through my own perceived necessity and choice, I have become very independent and self-sufficient.

I suspect this predisposition has been shaped by my personal lived experience and on so many levels, it has served me well.

It has helped me support thousands of people – those that have attended my 30 years worth of monthly events, my students, my customers, my clients, my friends and family and I have willingly shared practical information, ideas and resources with these people.

When my marriage ended in 2005, I was told that I had been ‘controlling.’ I was shocked by this statement. I believed I had been a very supportive girlfriend and wife. I provided an income, a welcoming and comfortable home and loving care for our two children. I never imagined it could be perceived as controlling.

Since then, I have been fairly proactive about finding an aligned relationship. I have also read and listened to a huge amount of self-help information.

After a specific event on Friday, I have spent a lot of time over the weekend thinking about expectations. Have I gone into this process with an expectation for me or for the people I have met? Have I again been ‘controlling’ the dynamic?

My friends often share that I am ‘too much in my head.’ I don’t see it that way. I am always trying to understand how things work and how I can be ‘better’ in the future. I am curious about how the world works and I do not want to repeat any mistakes.

At this point on the journey, I have come to realise that I may need to loosen the reins on my life a little. When I see the signs that are for others, ‘bleedingly obvious,’ I need to let go and move on. Not plough forward and keep going.

And maybe just some of the time, I could just wait and not do all of the ‘leading.’ To allow. To receive. To pause and to rest. For when I keep fighting the battle, every so often, I collapse with exhaustion, and that is no way to live – for me or anyone else. Creating expectations creates more demands, of myself and others, so I guess, it is another form of ‘control.’ With love, Sue Ellson 🙂

Photo is of red leaves on Kennealy Street, Canterbury, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia on 15 April 2024

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