Accumulated Grief Poem

By Sue Ellson

Another grief
Another time
Covering my heart
With murky grime

Each little loss
Bruises my soul
Each little lament
Takes its toll

Over the years
I have overcome
Then one day
I came undone

The constant grief
The lingering pain
The hurt I feel
All comes again

Why me, why now
What did I do
How can I heal
And emerge anew

Built for survival
But tired of the fight
Curiously craving
A grateful light

A reason, a meaning
Cognition complete
Release the burden
Of every defeat

Forged by emotion
And longing for relief
My grief and loss
A tiresome sheath

Designed to protect
My broken heart
Perhaps its goal
To make me fall apart

For in the surrender
I will seek my truth
To truly be human
Beyond my youth

I’ll grow and bloom
In my own way
Just be my witness
And I’ll be okay

Make time to listen
As I reflect and review
My words and actions
Will help me move

Through the challenge
Of what I miss
My new steps forward
In gratitude and bliss

A gentle understanding
From all the years
That life goes on
Beyond my fears

And as I reflect
On my transformation
I will give thanks
For my consternation

On 20 August 2025, I spent two hours talking with Anne Sandler, Counsellor and Founder of Counselling4Loss. I had met Anne at a local council networking event and was intrigued by her work as a grief counsellor. We originally met to discuss the concept of ambiguous loss or living loss, when we grieve for someone who is still alive but we cannot connect with them in the same way as we have in the past.

This is not something I can relate to as directly as I would like without more time to reflect. However, our discussion moved to the concept of ‘accumulated grief’ and I could identify with this topic much more clearly from my own lived experience, but I could also identify this in the stories I have heard from others.

To me, accumulated grief is a very universal concept. We have all had little griefs and big griefs. Some we are able to put aside, some we deal with instantly and others linger in our sub conscious until they ‘reappear’ with or without our permission. Sometimes, when a significant event occurs, we suddenly remember several griefs all at once.

And like all grief, what we most need is either the opportunity to talk about it with someone who can meet our needs at that time or to complete some sort of action or process that allows us to transform through it. I don’t think we should ever underestimate how difficult grief can be. We need to allow time and process to help us.

I plan to reflect on the six pages of notes I wrote with Anne and I hope to write another poem around the theme of grief in the future. With love, Sue Ellson 🙂

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Photo is of dried hydrangea flowers from my garden in Canterbury on Friday 22 August 2025.